Sunday, August 11, 2013

Fear of being getting behind

Fear is a powerful incentive. As I listen to songs from when I was a freshman in college and let all the memories flood back in, I remember my fear and my insecurities -- fear of not waking up in time and being late for that eight am class across the campus, fear of being rejected by that pretty girl who sits at the left end of the class in the front row, fear of not getting good grades but most importantly, fear of getting left behind.

As I wipe my feet on the figurative doormat to go back to school, those fears have a new life. How am I going to fit in? Am I going to fit in at all? Will I get left behind all over again? That feeling of not belonging, not being a part of the "in" crowd, being a non-playing character in the story of my own life those are powerful, immobilizing forces. I have to overcome these if I want to even have a shot at making it again.

Of course, I made it. Not in the sense that I struck gold but I did persevere despite the highs and the lows (and the lows were very low) and graduated. How can I forget that? I did it once and I can do it again. Deep breathing. It is possible. I have done it before and I will do it again.

I am ready. I will not get left behind.

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